Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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