im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
wanna go halves on a baby?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
