The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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