when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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