I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
