I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
