I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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