Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
