good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
