This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
