We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
