even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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