I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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