I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
