i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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