i just had sex bonerless
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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