Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
