There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
