I think my fart just growled at me.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
