my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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