what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
