i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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