i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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