yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
