hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
