Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
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You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
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Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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