yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
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Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
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So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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