You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
