you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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