I like to think it a success when the cops are called
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
jump out the window naked night went bad
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