I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
