dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
from now on my penis is your penis
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
