Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.