This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
29 People Who Do Dirty Things Just To Get Their Way
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch