Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(734): View more from Michigan

i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened

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(734): i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened http://tfl.nu/eey2

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.

(405): View more from Oklahoma

And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.

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(405): The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it. (405): And before you ask they are unrelated purchases. http://tfl.nu/nz1r

Replies (14) Good night (2840) Bad night (630)
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(847): View more from Illinois

can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...

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(847): can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at... http://tfl.nu/sgdp

Replies (44) Good night (891) Bad night (7478)
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(856): View more from New Jersey

you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness

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(856): you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness http://tfl.nu/oa7w

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(773): View more from Illinois

My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.

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(773): My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended. http://tfl.nu/c9ao

Replies (38) Good night (1555) Bad night (3861)
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(301): View more from Maryland

Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons

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(301): Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons http://tfl.nu/ha6n

Replies (28) Good night (1256) Bad night (4251)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea

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(732): the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea http://tfl.nu/kd80

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(239): View more from Florida

Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way

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(239): Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way http://tfl.nu/7r2y

Replies (13) Good night (4553) Bad night (979)
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(707): View more from California

You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?

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(707): You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis? http://tfl.nu/earc

Replies (7) Good night (2246) Bad night (659)
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(208): View more from Idaho

drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.

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(208): drunk waterpark is besst waterpark. http://tfl.nu/8ekc

Replies (4) Good night (2063) Bad night (692)
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(719): View more from Colorado

Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.

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(719): Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss. http://tfl.nu/q2y0

Replies (14) Good night (2198) Bad night (696)
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(907): View more from Alaska

marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it

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(907): marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it http://tfl.nu/qmr1

Replies (2) Good night (1413) Bad night (542)
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(440): View more from Ohio

Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.

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(440): Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis. http://tfl.nu/jmye

Replies (7) Good night (1878) Bad night (705)
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(314): View more from Missouri

struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.

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(314): struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window. http://tfl.nu/5555

Replies (2) Good night (513) Bad night (441)
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(260): View more from Indiana

I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"

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(260): I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby" http://tfl.nu/6cul

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