I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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