Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
