So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
