my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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