So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
