I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
