You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
