We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just invented taco cereal.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
