i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
