My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
