Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You were trust falling into bushes
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize