I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Success! We fucked roommates!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
