If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
