He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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