I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
