i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
