god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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