I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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