Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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