Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
