Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
