I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
