Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
