Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
no, he came in my armpit
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
