with your own penis?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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