I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
