my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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