it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize