shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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