I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
