I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
