when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize