It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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