If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
