Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My ass is underappreciated
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
