Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
