just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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