i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
