I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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