Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize