My nipple is on Facebook.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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