Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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