Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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