HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
