Swine flu. Run for my life!
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
