my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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